Let’s get This Donkey Show Started

Let me be upfront about something, just between you and I; I am a social wall flower. I hate interacting with people face to face because I trip over my tongue faster than a one legged autistic child who’s been thrust in front of a spiral stair case after taking a ride on the tilta-whirl. Yeah, it’s bad.

 

It’s not for lack of intelligence or even ability with words, but rather it’s that talking to people, especially those you don’t know, is just that much harder then dealing with friends. Even those quiet interactions are usually filled with um’s and ah’s, as though the word fairy came in the middle of the night and stole mah words. Sound like someone you know?

 

I Write as a Profession

So let me preface this by saying I write freelance. Most of my clientele are in the SEO/Internet Marketing industries, a great many of them are from the English as a Second Language (ESL) crowd, so you could easily make the argument that I’m not actually a professional writer. But you know what? You’ve read this far, and I’m willing to bet you’re still here because you found something that interests you, a question you hope to find the answer to, or an argument that you want to rip to pieces.

By that definition, I’m doing my job. See how that works?

 

I Write as a Hobby

Strange concept, I know. I love stories and when I was young I used to fantasize a lot, writing a little here and there but seldom taking on a full ‘story’ because I lacked the confidence to carry it through– what if people didn’t like it? I mean holy shit, am I so starved for attention and approval that I can’t trudge through a story even for my own sake?

 

You’re damn right I was. I still am, though considerably less so now that I’ve had a couple million words course through my fingers. I grew up with a man who was exceptionally broke, who had absolutely no idea what he was doing with a kid but meant well. To me, however, he was the world, so I tended to emulate him. Naturally, that made me kind of a tom-boy and when my girlfriends were talking about the inanities of teenage life, I was driving pickup trucks full of manure through the foreman’s trailer in a little farming community.

I’m a World Class Chicken Shit

The other thing my grandfather taught me was that when push came to shove, women were always going to be stereotyped and looked at a certain way by the world at large. I’m not going to address the specifics, because anyone with an A cup and 2 brain cells to rub together knows exactly what I’m talking about. But between these warnings (and the good intentions behind them), he prepared me for the world as best he could. God love him for that.

 

Unfortunately, it also meant I was really uneasy in social situations. I would go as far as to keep most of the people in my life at a distance– I have to say, I’ve probably hurt a -lot- of people with my actions, and the reason is because I was terrified of getting too involved with someone that may wind up turning out to be a jackal in sheep’s clothing.

So what the hell does any of this have to do with confidence and writing, you may ask?

 

The Other Four Letter Intercourse Word That Ends in K

The truth of it is quite simple; we communicate with body language and oral exchanges. (My favorite kind). So communication skills come in many forms, but tend to be influenced by our histories, personal views (in communicating with members of different groups, for example) and so forth.

Some people are born with both feet under them, some people– like the person I’m currently dating– are natural gabbers and would (and in her case, have) walked up too people who would frighten most of us ‘normals’ and initiated conversations, flirted with, or even coerce them into action. What these people can do with the spoken word leaves me in absolute awe, and I’m not at all threatened by the shoebox full of numbers my girlfriend keeps under her bed. Not at all. Nope.

So is Writing the Key to Confidence?

I can imagine you’re looking at the screen expecting I’ll have the answer to this question. I may. I may not. Human beings are funny that way, we’re exceptionally diverse creatures that can’t really seem to agree on one universal standard.

That said. . .

I’ve been writing for a long time, but only when I started looking at it as a possible profession did I really start concentrating on it. The mechanics, the way in which words could be strung together and how it may be interpreted by the person who will inevitably read it. During this phase, I earned some fairly high praise from my clients and it’s only been getting better.

I’ve been working my ass off to make a living doing this and I’ve gotten to the point where I feel confident charging (what I would consider) fair market value for my services. This hasn’t sat well with some of my ‘content for cheap’ clients, but they’re not the kind of people I want to be dealing with anyway.

This confidence lead me to take my fiction writing more seriously because I enjoy it far more than writing about pills and other stuff. So, all told, I wrote about 3 novel length works (some reaching 100K+) and while I didn’t send them out for publication, I did learn a lot about painting a picture with words and I’ve even posted my stuff on popular sites like Literotica and I’ve received a few feedback, mostly praise. This, obviously, boosted my confidence tremendously. So much so, that I decided I’d take the plunge and try to sell some of my work on Amazon.

You could easily make the argument that it’s a matter of gradual confidence building, but here’s where this all comes to a head:

I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping myself out of social situations, but when my girlfriend dragged me (kicking and screaming, like a true adult) to a community outreach function at her mother’s church. The idea behind it is to help homeless people by delivering food and warm soup. It’s not giving them a place out of the elements, but it’s a small congregation and the intention is good.

I am not at all against helping anyone, I just don’t deal well with people so I tried to avoid it like a sniveling coward. None the less– I was teamed up with a group of four other volunteers, all of which were just as nervous as I was. We were given a map of the area and told to do our best to find people, got the safety briefing and yada, yada, yada. So, trudging around in ankle deep snow with a hot dog cart we set out.

Somewhere along the way I opened my mouth without even thinking about it engaged the group in conversation. Yes, little wall flower Tammy struck up a conversation with complete strangers. Within an hour (and after running out of sandwiches and soup) I had actually become the defacto leader of the group, all the while not a single ‘uh’ or ‘ah’ was uttered.

The reason for this, I have no doubt, is that fundamentally what I do with the written word is as simple and straightforward as the spoken one. The more you practice it, the more you become aware of how these things come together subconsciously, this is where the real fun begins. This, I think, is where ancillary practice comes in. Standing in front of a mirror is all well and good, but in order to really build your vocabulary, your delivery and confidence, I think the only way to do it is to start with the purest form of communication.

 

Conclusion

Writing, by definition is a way to facilitate the transmission of ideas. Whether it’s to compel someone to stop urinating on your lawn at three in the morning by way of a restraining order, seduce e-girls in a chat room in the dark annals of the interwebs, or get women to buy penis enlargement pills (because you’re just that damn good), you’re putting thought into the construction of your sentences in order to transmit your ideas or get your reader to act on the information.

I’d present the argument that by becoming more skilled in the way in which you present your thoughts, your confidence steadily grows to the point that it translates itself into a force for change. Whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, it takes place with each word you pound out, you’re becoming a better writer and you’re becoming a more effective communicator.

Practice in front of a mirror if you have to, but if you’ve spent the time to build up a solid foundation, you’ll be much more effective, don’t you think?

Don’t hesitate to call my theory bunk, but if you have any stories about your confidence being improved because of your writing, please, share your experience. I’d love to hear what people have to say!